My Journeys

Crash

2007-10-18T04:19:00.000+08:00

The other side

Tearing Apart

2007-10-08T03:18:00.000+08:00

From my friend's film shoot

Sorrow

2007-10-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

Gasping for air
As you wait to be devoured
By pain
And snow and rain

Dreams

2007-09-22T03:11:00.000+08:00

I loiter between hope and despair.
The fire within me is my only solace.
Everywhere else is just rain and snow.

Untitled

2007-09-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

Life is like playing golf without a hole.

A Girl Prone to Flu

2007-09-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

She is a girl with a sensitive nose.
Down with flu all the time.
Usually people sneeze in bouts of three but she does them in fives
On the bus, she sits near the window and claims that the air-con makes her cold.
And she sneezes.
But she refuses to change seats and put her arms in her bag instead.
While closing her eyes and complaining about the itchiness from within.
After alighting, the exhaust fumes from the traffic tickle her nose.
And of course yet again,
As we quickly leave the roads behind.
Then when the time comes for us to make our way through the flats,
We battle the incense to no avail.
Nor will it stop when we reach the kopitiam,
With its smell of coffee and oil.
Exhausted in our fight,
The park becomes the desired destination.
But alas it never ends,
As kids kick up fluffs of dust and sand.

And my shirt
you know what happens to it.

Such Treachery Of Late

2007-07-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

Such torments have laid on me of late
That I seek solace from shouts and fits
In the dark corners of lonely lifts
Alone behind my cluttered gate

Riding on the wave and getting blown away

2007-07-05T03:13:00.000+08:00

I am experiencing something rather bizzare of late. In fact, just today, perhaps an hour ago. Some perhaps minor event, triggering an emotional rush which would be capable of evoking a eruption in me, suddenly stopped in its tracks as it stared at me. I wasn't sure whether I was analysing it or the other way round but I halted in the same way it stopped for a split second. There was a consciousness in me at that moment which gave me the power to decide if I should accept the adrenaline. But, being vengeful and accustomed to denying defeat, I let it go through me, which makes that moment of 'enlightenment' more insignificant than it really should be. Nonetheless, speaking in a tone as though I have no control of my feelings and emotions and without implying otherwise, I believe I would remain vengeful till perhaps this Sunday. God knows what cruelty would my thoughts churn out in the next hours, which would deprive me of rest and sleep. By the way, I am a free thinker, leaning towards the side of atheism.

Lukewarm

2007-05-23T02:03:00.000+08:00

I am feeling the sleepless night today. You know, like the tingling you feel when you are nearing the hour before you meet someone you love, but the moment hasn't really arrived yet and you are pondering about whether you wish to go back in time so that you can prepare yourself better psychologically, or whether you wish that time passes quickly so that you can begin your date proper and stop worrying. Yes, like the feeling when you are drenched by a drizzle, but it never really got you wet enough to say, "Heck it! Let it rain all it wants!" That is what I am feeling now, weary but haven't got to the point when I can close my eyes and sleep. As a matter of fact, I do hate this kind of feeling but I thought I should have gotten used to it. When I was young, I counted the seconds to the commencement of my favourite television programme, and they seemed like years. Then I waited for the examinations to begin and end, which is sadly an integral part of my life, though to a lesser extent now, but they never really begin or end, for I do not really remember their non-existence and they don't look like they are going to go away. I was once obssessive with my art and drawings, working at them till they are about to be finished when I realise I don't really know where the finishing line is. Or with you, whom I really want to be with, but there is something missing largely due to my shortcomings and inadequacies which ranges from cowardice to being an idealist. The same feeling, that I want to talk to you, want you to pick up my phone, but I chose to call at a time when I am not so sure whether you are asleep, so that when you didn't pick up my call, I can assume that it isn't intentional, and I am not really ready to face that or you. Sadly, I do sometimes like to hide in my shell, look at the tightness inside it and extrapolating it to the outside world, but I am trying hard to kill this habit of mine. It isn't fun, really, especially for the many years I have lived my life, I had look upon myself in a rather favourable light. These art and design studies I am venturing into, which are as extraordinary as the girl I love, who never misses a single detail to support her sometimes cruel but honest opinion of me, who is never willing to see things at face value although she wrongly says that she is superficial, are really pushing me into the rain, trying to wet my half-drenched clothes, so that I can take them off and look in the mirror, making the sight of my big tummy unavoidable. That I am really nothing now, so that one day I can be something, unlike now- just half a thing.

Deep Sleep

2007-05-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

I deserve to sleep and not wake up.

恼海

2007-05-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

丝丝雨点飘落，眼前一片飘渺，而喳喳的雨声如前景的隐约，紧紧地响着。回望过往的我，是否睡眼惺忪，把自己看得大了一点，而别人小了一些? 我选择了大海，奢望着漂浮的木块，却只寻得一片茫茫和海浪的嚷嚷。一望无际，也只有海阔天空。而我的憔悴，也只能不知如何地坚强了。

Figure Drawing

2007-02-17T01:07:00.000+08:00

Subdued hesitation and a hint of possibilities

Colours

2007-02-13T01:17:00.000+08:00

It is recognised that brightly coloured snakes are deadly poisonous
Everything avoids them, fearful of their venom
What if they are brightly coloured but harmless?
What if they are poisonous but dull in colours?
Perhaps they need both

Love

2007-02-06T04:24:00.000+08:00

I decide to become a romantic of late
To believe that it will come if it should
Stay if it is meant to be

Flows and momentum
Rhythm with a pinch of instinct
The primary doer
And a secondary thinker

Today

2007-02-06T03:46:00.000+08:00

I confess. I enjoy writing in puzzles and conflicting images because I can have no idea of what I am writing when I am at it, and derive a whole world of meaning from it. This way of composing and looking at my own compositions as though I am outside myself gives me a sense of subdued excitement, and a new way of understanding my own thoughts as if a scientist is examining a specimen with his array of precise instruments while being a little mistaken about it being a perfectly objective observation for such a thing really does not exist. Oh well, you get what I mean.

Today, I decide to let myself go, you know, to loosen my tightly clenched fists, not to let my excitement killed by the possibility of failure or looking like a fool. Basically not to care so much about being right or wrong and be happy. It would not be hard I guess, perhaps just the sort of thing that comes when it is truly welcomed.

微微的风

2007-02-02T14:29:00.000+08:00

反正湿透了，又何必在乎雨下的不停。夜的狂欢，不记得白天的疲惫。我敲着门，回应的只是敲门的声音。可悲的，是我快乐的愚昧。

Memento

2007-02-02T13:18:00.000+08:00

Sweetly, the guitar plucks to reveal the song it is made to play. There is nothing but stillness, seeping through the cracks in my walls. I died a little, and death spreads but who knows till when? Each sound, each tone nudges the bruises in harmony. And the pain becomes part of me.

A Composition

2007-02-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

Roasted leaves above the shimmers -
The smell of plant and its burning flesh

Inexorable sense of wilful incompliance within the ego

2007-01-12T03:56:00.000+08:00

It is the feeling of raging hell, and while the celestial lies not in the realm of my beliefs, its scent is unmistakable. How do I live through my ordeal? Hide and diminish the ego of my instincts, expanding the Reason inside me till it presses hard against the inside of my skin or gulping the smell as it runs through the tips of my body, replacing the blood which gave and gives me life? An answer may be as satisfying as the hungry filling their stomachs with water, but the lack of one accompanied by indecisiveness brings upon possibilities which are forever possible - a sense of hope that there would be a per se. Neither the amount nor the value of this sense of hope can be measured, which makes ease an unstable equlibrium but nonetheless lacking in result or end.

In case of stirring irregularities, revert to uncertainty, which with the long decaying process of time, produces rest with occasional murmurs.

Being busy

2007-01-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

Gradually I begin to enjoy being busy - the effects of cumulative effort fascinating me. The things I am going to do for the rest of my life is seeping into my blood and starting to run through my vessels. Work is becoming rest and rest becoming an indifferent luxury.

Elusive

2006-12-29T04:31:00.000+08:00

Do not dissect my love
For my heart knows no reason
Such joy and pain!
When love is love and without ponder

Sketches - Ponder

2006-12-01T03:11:00.000+08:00

I learn that when you don't really care how it turns out to be, it usually turns out to be better. I am talking about drawing though.

Contemplation

2006-11-11T02:19:00.000+08:00

Think, Question, Suffer?

Age

2006-10-31T16:07:00.000+08:00

Withstanding the test of time

Lying Dormant

2006-10-28T13:10:00.000+08:00

Ideas

2006-10-22T15:25:00.000+08:00

A platform moving along its elevated track
Slides attached to the track, running down to the ground

Halved carriages which join again

Fatigue

2006-10-17T19:35:00.000+08:00

Learnt one thing -
If you are sleeping a few hours less every weekday
Continue the routine even on weekends
Or there will be a need for seemingly eternal sleep

Dear Blog 4

2006-10-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

Dad,
Please get well soon

Dear Blog 3

2006-10-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

I took you for granted
And I heard without listening
Knew without acknowledging
Shifted without changing

Then I felt your grip a little loosened
Your smiles a little weaker
Our distance a little bigger

But there you are
Waiting

My stroll ends
And I shall run

My Happiness and Unhappiness

2006-10-08T01:14:00.000+08:00

My mood
Swings in whatever way u dictate
Your smile
Sometimes mocking at my smittened with you
That I wear myself down a little
Loving you

Dear Blog 2

2006-10-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

Tip of an iceberg
Unpolished jade
Sketches and gestures
Coal 5000 feet under
And
A dreaming child

Dear Blog

2006-09-30T23:10:00.000+08:00

Never fill the heart with joy
Whose sweetness soon erodes the little scars
Meant for sorrow to seep in and dwell
Never stray too far away
The strings which set the kite flying
Need to sever themselves to free

My bruise inside me
Inflicted by nothing much
Hurts me like nothing I know

Only your warmth soothes my pain

Fate

2006-09-09T15:05:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I should come to terms with my reason
Which is slowly crawling away
That some things can never be owned
Yet so capable of owning my soul

Learning to love
Without crippling my logos

The Very Surreal Being

2006-09-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

Tear my melting heart I say
The sound of my words resonates and booms
Booms into buzzes
Flying off as bees
Reaching the grains of pollen
Flapped away by the insect's wings
Into the wind which rushes
And rises
Up the clouds and fall as rain
Down in the muddy ground
Tunneling through the small little canals
Into the root hairs and into the roots
Xylem
Leaves
Stomata
Out into the air
Breathed in through the nose
Down the windpipe into my lungs
Seeping through the tiny holes
Attached to the red blood cells
Through the arteries
Filling my heart
Which finally melts

杯子

2006-09-04T21:37:00.000+08:00

曾经的我认为咖啡因该是纯纯的
但
原来加了糖，加了奶
那依然是一杯咖啡

而杯子
也不一定要用来装咖啡
喝完了各式各样的饮料后
也许还来的及

Breathing

2006-08-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

I need 19 hours a day excluding sleep

Take Care

2006-08-14T01:26:00.000+08:00

Take care my friend
Who is off to pursue his future

Remember the days when we chat outside our bunks
And laugh with each other though nothing is really that funny
Long after the moon has risen
As we waited for the dark days to pass
Or the only time that I quarreled with you
Some years ago

Take care my friend
My dear friend

Not for long

2006-08-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

I am useless
But not for long
The future
Is coming on...

Feelings Of My Heart

2006-08-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

I have not felt it before
And I do not know why
That when I see you walk away
Your back getting smaller
And you finally vanish from my sight
Perhaps it has been long
Since you walk away from me
It is me
Who always wave goodbye
The feeling
Yes, the feeling,
A little bruise
Aching in my heart

Strength

2006-08-03T03:15:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I have strength to face everything. As sudden as chaos and mayhem when they happen. Yet, it came so naturally, like light which appears when the day begins, or darkness which sets in when it ends. Like love.

Flight

2006-08-02T16:04:00.000+08:00

2 and a half years of rest, and I am ready to face the world again.

Belief

2006-07-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

I believe
Hope comes
And fear vaporises

说再见的时候

2006-07-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

每次到了告别的时候，天色总会暗淡一些，脚步沉重一些，勇气也消减一些。微微细雨打在突然脆弱的心头，也才发现，说出再见后的我，失去了一些自己

I Promise You

2006-07-18T01:17:00.000+08:00

I will change my baggy clothes
Strengthen my lazy spine
Discard my childishness
And work hard for the future

And that the ten dollars I possess
Nine ninety will belong to you

So whenever you are feeling down
I will be there
For you to kick and punch
And when you need a listening ear
I will stop my music and the noises

All I ask of you
Is not to doubt me or yourself
For despite my lousy memory
I will remember the things I promise you
Even if I forget everything else

Rationalism

2006-07-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

Rationalism, as its name suggests, refers to the movement which advocates the use of reason to make choices or decisions. However, reason is a rather vague word and to try to understand it better, we can perhaps use an example. Imagine the simplest of all situations – two jobs are offered to the same person and they require him to do exactly the same thing, just that one pays more than the other. In this case, we will say that the person is rational if he chooses the job which pays more since he can gain more from doing the same thing, and rationalism dictates that everyone should do things in ways in line with what our rational hero has done. And undeniably, this is useful to progress in many aspects of our society, for example in law whereby reason serves as a common platform for legislators to decide on the rules which are appropriate for a certain territory, based on a balance between justice and utility. But let us look at our simplified situation again and we notice that it does not exist in the real world. If a single factor changes, for example, that the poorer paying job is more interesting to our hero, he will be caught in a dilemma, having to choose between money and his interest. And I do not think any amount of reason can help him decide.

原来

2006-07-05T22:34:00.000+08:00

充满可能的未来听着没有如果的过去诉说当年的期望。

世界

2006-07-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

是圆的。

去从

2006-07-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

奔向白天的街灯，追逐黑夜的影子，太阳看不见的星星，清醒捉不住的梦；我走在分开白天和黑夜的界线上。

To Let Go

2006-07-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

Letting the tears drop when they get too heavy
Embrace the sorrow that is to come
Break the remaining pieces
And walk as a new person
Scarred but healed

Baby

2006-07-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

Let me present the cutest baby on earth -

从前

2006-06-29T02:53:00.000+08:00

从前有一只猪想了解一个人的想法，所以它要求了那个人写一些东西。那个人答应了猪的要求，并也做到了。

蓝天慢跑

2006-06-27T19:10:00.000+08:00

我的预测错了。原来茫茫白云的散去，不需要狠狠的雨点；快乐不需要彩虹，多点蓝天就可以了；湿透的清醒，也不需要雨水。

再度望出窗外，我看见了似有似无的弯月高高的挂在深蓝色的夜空中。它的将来是逐渐明亮，还是消失无踪，也只有未来才能知道吧。

After Lunch

2006-06-27T13:12:00.000+08:00

Looking young has its benefits too - at least the credit card salesperson won't approach.

白

2006-06-27T10:00:00.001+08:00

我把整个自己埋在枕头里，逃避白天的催促，但沉睡不久的我还是坐在这里了。望出窗外，只看见茫茫无尽的白云；今天的蓝天似乎真的少了一些。雨，快要不停的下了，而我想我会在这狠狠的雨点中，寻找那道瞬间的彩虹和那阵湿透的清醒。

黑

2006-06-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

敲着黑色的键盘，那清晰的声音；拿起乌黑的碳笔，望着沾满碳灰的手和那张白色的纸，我的心却早已远去。也许，没有人可以在原地停留－我们都飘泊在时间的河流中。有的人坐在庞大的战舰里头，不管多大的风浪都能驾驭自如；有的人只抱着脆弱的救生圈，随着缘分的波浪飘去。我走在人群中，有太多的擦肩而过，太少的同路人。宁静的夜晚，罕有的不安，这才发现，我远去的心原来在追逐着能够让我停泊的你。

Lousy Day

2006-06-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

I feel so lousy today, or strictly speaking yesterday. Ok, the lousy day is 25th of June. To recall, it started with one of my bosses calling me when I was just about to do my wonderful big business in the toilet, asking me why I didn't turn up for work when I was supposedly scheduled to work. It turned out to be a misunderstanding on his part but it was enough to disturb the calm serene relief which I was looking forward to. Then I went to the some hairdressing salon to cut my thick hair since it is getting hot and stuffy. So it goes like this - "How would you like your hair to be cut?" "I don't really know, just do what you deem fit." And I came out looking like an ah beng porcupine. Not that it is not nice, just that it is a bit different from how I look usually. So after a case of affected mood and uncertainty about my looks, I came to terms with myself that I must start on the videos since I must hand over the tapes the day after, and in the end all the rewinding and forwarding made my head spin. Now I am eating ice cream to cheer myself up, wasting my 5km running effort today, while my 50mb download of the charity fiesta logos gets interrupted at 62% because of my unstable wireless connection.

I shall take a deep breath and tell myself that tomorrow would be better.

Fun and Happiness

2006-06-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

I guess fun and happiness are two different kinds of things.

Courage

2006-06-21T17:09:00.000+08:00

I am looking for some kind of courage. And I am just about to find it.

Snow City

2006-06-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

What a tiring job... But sometimes it is worth it.

To Pick Up My Brush Again

2006-06-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

Today I looked at my easel and on it sat the portrait of my sister. Behind the colours lies a monochrome portrait. Behind the blacks and whites lies lines of diluted burnt sienna. Behind the lines lies several layers of flake white and titanium buff. And behind the several layers lies the monochrome portrait of myself.

After this painting was done I did not touch my brush and palette again, and my mediums went dry. I told myself that if I have nothing to paint for, I would wait. It seems like I am to pick up my brush again.

Sweets

2006-06-19T21:53:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it is like candy. Sweet taste but tooth decay.

Sitting, Waiting

2006-06-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

Today I sat down and my mind wandered away. Perhaps I shouldn't have sat down for so long, and in the future I would try not to. There are so many questions in my mind. Perhaps if I keep walking and not ask, the answers will come eventually.

The Art of Laziness and Sleep

2006-06-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

A lot of people say that I sleep a lot and that I am lazy. My parents and siblings say so, on days when I would wake up only at noon to have my lunch, then go back to my lovely dreamland until dinner time, and closing my eyes once more when the clock strikes midnight. My classmates say so when I dropped my head on the desk as the lecturer is droning away, only to wake up when a kind soul tapped me on the shoulder. My army friends say so when I fall asleep in situations where they cannot relax e.g. lots of mosquitos and insects. Nearly everyone who has met me think that I have a sleepy face.

But you know, sleeping a lot and being lazy are two different things altogether.

Being Happy

2006-06-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

Being happy equals to being relaxed.

Line 3 and the Eraser

2006-06-12T19:13:00.000+08:00

Can I erase the line?

Line 2

2006-06-11T09:35:00.000+08:00

Since I see that her line doesn't want to be crossed by me, I shall turn back and walk within my own boundaries. Perhaps I will wait, perhaps I will not. Nowadays I don't really know.

Line

2006-06-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

The line - a boundary which separates.

Touch and Go

2006-06-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

I am like walking on the line, pondering, and I don't really know whether I should cross it.

Sunset of June 8th

2006-06-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

The sun sets today and plunges the city into darkness, but it will rise tomorrow. No matter how hard the road gets, I believe that it will be worth it at the end. Today I see some light and I remember the dream which kept me going during the darkest days. It is dark no more, and it is time to wake up.

Getting a Hold

2006-06-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

Normally, this would be a post which goes something like this - "Rain brings wetness, and a colour bridge from the mountains to the limits of the skies. But you must climb the mountain in the rain." or "The rainbow only exist after the rain and perhaps that is why it is beautiful. A beautiful illusion which is starting to wither away as I run towards it." But I am not really in a normal kind of mood so I decide not to hide under the layers of imagery and be a little more specific.

For me, things in life have always turn out in a way opposite to what I badly want them to be. It ranges from little things like always missing the bus when I am running late, to bigger things like appearing stupid in front of a person I want to impress. So, falling rather many times along my 20 years, I become a person who is not so attached to things, or in other words, anything goes. But it isn't that easy to be detached always and I am still learning.

Sunset of June 6th

2006-06-06T23:29:00.000+08:00

Untitled

2006-06-06T00:48:00.000+08:00

Living simply.

Sketching

2006-06-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

A 5 minute sketch I did at the orchard library. So much fun to do this kind of thing than to draw a full scale work. Don't have to care about ruining hard work. Just the process and never mind the result. But I don't seem to be able to do quick sketches decently at home, always ending up with a stupid mess of lines and shades, perhaps because without the prying eyes of strangers.

Untitled

2006-06-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

I was on the LRT with my nose pressed against the door, and with each passing station, the torture grew. South View, Keat Hong ... Phoenix, Bukit Panjang.

I walked out of the station and saw the half moon hovering above the buildings which hold its viewers.

It was waiting to be completed.

On the Edgy Stones

2006-06-03T02:09:00.000+08:00

Like a blind man seeing the morning sun reflected in the shimmering dew for the first time, the flowers grow on the barren land and it is barren no more.

Monochrome

2006-05-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

Life is too hectic recently; I need a short stop.

Sunset Of May 28th

2006-05-28T20:44:00.000+08:00

Pinkish red and yellowish orange outside my open window today.

15 minutes

2006-05-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

Some things are worth waiting for.

Regrets

2006-05-27T02:00:00.000+08:00

A certain scene in my childhood keeps gushing to my mind recently, and in it, I was looking at my watch, counting as each second became history. I still remember clearly that I was thinking to myself, why time crawls by so slowly. But no matter how slow it was, enough seconds do become weeks and years, and I seem to find new ways to shorten the second with each passing day, but I have never been able to lengthen the moments which I hope would last just a little longer.

My friend told me not to have any regrets, whatever I decide to do. I guess whatever it is, I must choose not to run away from myself.

Folds

2006-05-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

A heap of folds I casted away after I have drawn them.

Fantasy

2006-05-23T01:05:00.000+08:00

Is it but a elusive dream or a twist of playful fate that I grow to see her in the eye of my mind, so closely and vividly that I can hide from the tangible face and still seek solace in my little room of bed and window? Fantasy, so they say, belongs to the realm of dreams, buried deep under heavy thoughts and feelings of bulk, which escapes only in great darkness, like a thief or a ghost, or the dragons of myths waiting to be slayed, through little holes which fill up at a mere suggestion of a faint staggering light. Why should I submerge in such frivolously delicate waters and let my skin fold itself many times over? Why do I bask in the invisible and refuse the heat? I only hope for time which pushes the birth and kills the dying.

Mountains

2006-05-21T00:39:00.000+08:00

The jagged mountains thrust above the ground into the thin air and all turned grey.

A Mellow Struggle

2006-05-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

I wrestled with myself and I won. But I lost too.

Rush

2006-05-18T01:45:00.000+08:00

Rushing towards you.

The Autumn Mood

2006-05-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

My mood is so yellow today, of withered leaves and the setting sun. The waves crash against the shores and break into a million pieces and they keep coming not knowing why. But I do know and who else would if I do not. My mind is plagued with ambiguity, different ways admonishing each other. A fall, just like a fall, like the leaf swaying gently in the air and falling slowly but without a ground to fall to, constantly in the air. It is like I have the answers but I do not have the questions. Like the land giving way to the sea but Earth still remains round. And yes, this is how I feel today.

Obstacles

2006-05-15T09:36:00.000+08:00

I guess if we can see the obstacles, they can be overcome.

Vast

2006-05-10T19:59:00.000+08:00

Some photo I have taken on the Tranz-Alpine train in New Zealand. Let me pack my room and resume my drawing/painting soon. It had been ages since I last touched my paintbrush and charcoal.

Conquering Fears

2006-05-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

I think a large part of life has to do with conquering fears. I remember being afraid of the dark when I was young, and just suddenly one day I did not want to fear anymore. So I woke up in the middle of the night and started walking about in the house without switching on the lights, and I was no longer scared. And that has always been my way of conquering fears, to find a day of immense courage and do the feared. Like my fear of drawing, fear of speaking to a crowd, fear of physical exhaustion, fear of the unknown, fear of heights, fear of appearing stupid to someone I am attracted to, fear of unhappiness, and the fear of failing. The worst is death and we all have to conquer the fear of death someday.

Paradise

2006-05-08T15:54:00.000+08:00

Precisely that we cannot know of a heaven that we search for it.

Home Coming

2006-05-06T13:12:00.000+08:00

Time to take off.

Parallels

2006-04-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

Life is like a clock which breaks down occasionally. It is like the box of chocolate left in the open, which melts into a mess of sticky stuff. It is like my computer, full of problems but still functioning. Or like my phone, which rings when I want silence and keeps quiet when I want to talk to just anyone. Or my lamp which shuts down the whole house when it is switched on at times when it wants to just hang around. Or just me.

Orange in Green

2006-04-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

Come to think of it, my kit lens is not too bad really. Taken at SBG some time ago when I first got my DSLR.

Fist in Blue

2006-04-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my faculty test to admission for SADM in NTU, so I sketched my left fist to see if I still can draw, after resting for such a long time. I think it is a 10 - 15 minutes sketch but I dun really know cos my concept of time is always lost during drawing. Just did it as quickly as possible since it is about 15 minutes a question according to the test syllabus. Wish me luck!

Another Walk

2006-04-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

I guess we all need to fly away from the world sometimes, to face things alone. Solitude isn't that bad really.

Continued

2006-04-06T09:21:00.000+08:00

This photo is taken during my previous walk. Trying out my new lens with it. Don't really know whether it works. And it kept raining that day.

Walking with a purpose

2006-04-05T02:33:00.000+08:00

Today I walked on the streets without a purpose at all. I was rather upset really. Anyway, here is a picture I took. Guess it would be better in black and white but I felt that the colours have too much of a significance to be taken out.

Then to Little India

2006-04-03T12:05:00.000+08:00

After the walk, I went to Little India since it was too late for the flea market to reopen after the rain. Had some shots here and there -

Tekka Centre Walk

2006-04-02T01:55:00.000+08:00

I was preparing to get out of the house to visit the flea market at Sungei Road when I looked outside the window and saw the railway tracks. So I paid a visit there, and squatted in the middle of the tracks to capture its never-endingness with my camera. Disappointed as the pictures never appealed to me, I suddenly heard a high-pitched sound and saw a small image of a train directly in front of me. I moved aside quickly, and as the train whisked past me, a feeling of fear and emptiness ran through me as I clicked the shutter button on my camera. It was not satisfying as well, so I crossed the road and tried something else -

I thought of visiting some foreign workers at a house near the railway tracks but I was not really prepared for it, so I boarded the bus. When I reached Little India, it was pouring heavily and I was stuck at Tekka Centre. Going through the wet market with a camera round my neck, a lot of heads turned and a uncle asked me what I was doing there. I told him I was just walking around. I didn't feel like I am in a mood for photography so I just kept walking and walking till I reached a brightly lit fruit stall.

I was attracted to some fruits (bottom right of picture) and asked the auntie what they are. She told me that they were called water apples and urged me to try some. So I bought two and took this photo after a chat with her and her assistant. Should have had used fill flash even though I only had my built-in with me at that time, but well, it was a lesson learnt. Then I went to the second storey where they sell other stuff. A nice lady stopped me when I walked past her shop which is selling Indian costumes, inviting me to take photos. And so I requested her to be my model and took a picture.

I told her she was a very good-looking model as her features are very defined and recognisable but she didn't really believe me but I did mean the words I said. Then I showed her this picture from my camera and noted that she looked rather sad. She said she was just tired. The attention was then directed at a small handsome little boy -

My Journeys

2006-04-02T01:33:00.000+08:00

I decided to climb out of my small little shell to visit the big enormous world and hence this blog to record my journeys. To the corners of our small little island and the big enormous beyond.